


Meet the Elrics

by skydark



Series: Crack Theatre [3]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist
Genre: Crack Theatre, M/M, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-21
Updated: 2011-01-21
Packaged: 2017-10-14 22:47:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/154299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skydark/pseuds/skydark





	Meet the Elrics

This is the first Crack Theatre that is NC-17 for doll positioning.

  


  
**Ed:** So yeah, this is our place. Pretty snazzy despite the odd choice of colors. We got fish, the TV is a flat screen HD. Anything you need, anything at all, you just let me know.  
 **Armor!Al:** We' ve been here for a little over a year, it's a nice neighborhood.  
 **Al:** Yeah, it is a nice place, lots of good restaurants.  
 **Ed:** How would you know?  
 **Al:** I just know, I've been here.  
 **Armor!Al:** Yeah, we just know.  
 **Ed:** Am I the only one who finds that creepy?  
 **Roy:** Looks like a really nice place, you've done well for yourself, Fullmetal.

  
 **Roy:** Seems a bit small, though. All the furniture seems short. Custom made?  
 **Ed:** NO you ginomrmous freak, it's regular stuff, Medicom just decided you needed to be adnormaly tall so anyone thinking of doing pictorial, _like this_ , will feel extra pedo-y.  
 **Armor!Al:** Now brother, you shouldn't be taking your issues out on the Colonel.  
 **Al:** After all, it isn't his genes you inherited.  
 **Ed:** Fuck, it's going to be in stereo now, isn't it? It's the Nagging Twins.

  
 **Ed:** So here's the kitchen and some of Al's elevendy billion cats.  
 **Armor!Al:** I have Mr. Fluffybutt!  
 **Al:** Aww, Pookums is always the sweetest.  
 **Roy:** Seems you're well set up.  
 **Ed:** We do alright, don't we Als?  
 **Als:** KITTY!

  
 **Ed:** This girly john is not my idea. It is claimed that it only comes in this color, but I said she could get some spray paint, and she's like...oh no, this is all done ghetto, when I actually have to put effort into this I won't do it anymore. Seems like a piss-poor excuse to me. Hey, I made a joke in the john about piss!  
 **Armor!Al:** Really classy brother  
 **Al:** The toilet is so short, the Colonel's knees are going to be in his face when he sits on this and he's to tall for the shower.  
 **Ed:** Well, we got a tub, too. I think we can cram him in that.  
 **Roy:** In all fairness I think I'm made on a different scale from the two of you, so the height jokes are probably redundant...  
 **Ed:** OH NO, welcome to the club big boy, better get use to it.

  
 **Ed:** Ok, over here....  
 **Als:** OH HAI GUYS!!!!  <3333

  
 **The Crew:** OH HAI ALS!  <3333

  
 **Ed:** Oh great, it's all of Al's loser friends  
 **Stormtrooper:** Look! It's the littlest Elric out for a stroll! Hey pipsqueak, check out my woman, you'll never get anything as fine as this!  
 **FBI Barbie:** I love the feel of molded fiberglass between my thighs!  
 **R2D2:** beepbeepwhirrrbeepwhirrwhirr  
 **Ed:** Shut UP you fuckin' robot, I'll stomp your crome head into a hubcap!  
 **Stormtrooper:** Good one R2, really good.

  
 **Ken:** Look they have a new friend, his uniform is so dreamy, come on, someone introduce me!  
 **Ed:** Dream on moar drama king. How about the lot of you shove on back to that box Sky found you in up in the attic.  
 **Ken:** I think I detect a succulent note of jealousy.

  
 **Stormtrooper:** I always knew you were a ragin' homo, see FBI Barbie, that's the way queer looks.  
 **FBI Barbie:** Queer is so tiny.  
 **Vader:** As amusing as this seems to be, it's also rusting my life support apparatus, can we take this on the road?  
 **R2D2:** whiirrrwhiirrrrbeepbeepwhirrrr  
 **Ed:** You fuckin' robot, I'll end you!  
 **Stormtrooper:** I just wish I had half the comebacks you do, R2

  
 **Al:** Okok, enough antagonizing brother, come on, let's go out for a bite.  
 **R2D2:** beepbopbeepbeepwhirrr  
 **Al:** Well I'm sure you have a good point, but I don't want to start any fights on Sky's floor, she just mopped it and that's a rarity.

  
 **Armor!Al:** Did you get the latest issue of Head Armor monthly? They had a great article on panaches. I still think you could pull that off.  
 **Vader:** It would just get caught in the air intake valves.  
 **Stormtrooper:** Man, we all know that's a bitch.

  
 **Roy:** So here we are alone. Say, this is a fine bed you have Fullmetal.  
 **Ed:** Funny how you found that right away.

  
 **Ed:** Yeah, so. Here we are.  
 **Roy:** Yes, here we are.

  
 **Ed:** And yeah, so, I mean...well, I've been waiting for you for a while, I mean ever since Medicom announced you.  
 **Roy:** And I've been waiting, too. Every since they put up pictures of my prototype.

  
 **Ed:** And we're both owned by a rabid madwoman who writes extremely smutty, slightly pedo fics about the pair of us.  
 **Roy:** This is true.

  
 **Ed:** But, you know, I've been thinking about this as I sat up there in my living room in the cubical in her office. I've been thinking about this a lot. And I don't want this to be just a meaningless thing like it is for her plushies. Those guys are batshit insane and most of them will fuck anything that moves including some vomit inducing cute Envy plushie she had on loan once.  
 **Roy:** So you're saying, that between us vinyl articulated dolls, this act should have more meaning.  
 **Ed:** Yeah, so, I'm going to go change. Because we're going to do this thing, but we're going to do it right.  
 **Ed:** Let's ignore the fact my feline namesake has escaped the sunroom where he's been imprisoned all afternoon. let him out when she opened the door. Don't worry, if he makes a move to nibble either of us there will be a lot of screaming and grabbing of cat. She's yelling for to come get him now, he'll be gone by the next shot.

  
 **Ed:** I wanted to write my own vows, but I didn't know how to put your prefection into words.  
 **Roy:** It's alright, I'm blinded by your brilliance.  
 **Sky:** OMFG, what has eaten it's way into your vinyl brains?  
 **Ed:** HEY, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO BOUGHT THE WEDDING DRESS ON THE ADVICE OF SOMEONE* ON YOUR FLIST, NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP, MAN THE CAMERA AND DEAL WITH IT.  
 **Roy:** I didn't get a tuxedo because she thought I'd want to be married in my uniform.  
 **Ed:** You look hot you overly tall representation of a fictional character my own fictional self has been lusting for in her brain since 2005, let's do it.  
 **Roy:** Damn straight.

  
 **Ed:** You barely fit on this bed, I'm so, so glad that , and had the brains to give this to her for my birthday, I mean her birthday.  
 **Roy:** It's a bed, I don't care about the details. You look great in it.

  
 **Ed:** I only wish we didn't have to rely on her to put us into these positions. When will they come out with the articulate and self propelled versions of us?  
 **Roy:** It's hard to say, but I for one am grateful she wants to rub our vinyl parts together. We could be just stuck in boxes on a shelf, collecting that collector's dust.  
 **Ed:** I guess I should be grateful for that.

  
 **Ed:** NOMNOMNOM  
 **Roy:** NOMNOMNOM  
 **Sky:** ARGH, why can't I get their lips to touch! It's like medicom made them only so bendable on purpose!  >E

  
 **Roy:** At least we can give each other longing looks  
 **Ed:** Just shut up woman and get these clothes off of us.  
 **Sky:** WHEE! TIME TO SEE WHAT ROY'S UNDEREWEAR LOOKS LIKE! I'll have to hide the fact you wear speedos strategically.

  
 **Roy:** You know, I think I really like being here.  
 **Sky:** I'll say, you have no underwear and you're flesh colored all over.  
 **Ed:** *can't talk, mouth full*  
 **Sky:** I bet there is a special place in hell reserved just for me.

  
 **Roy:** I think I'm good and ready now, how about you?  
 **Ed:** I'm all yours, I think Sky is having a case of the weird outs. Strange, she's usually so very blase about this sort of thing.  
 **Roy:** I think she's realizing this is as good as it gets for the Roy/Ed ship.  
 **Sky:** I wonder if I have the patience to make a stop motion film 0_0

  
 **Sky:** Just enjoy the pictures, I'm not writing vinyl dolls moaning while engaged in vinyl intercourse.

  
 **Roy:** I hope she turns one of the cubicles into a bedroom so I can keep you in it all day.  
 **Ed:** You say the greatest things in afterglow  <3  
 **Sky:** HaHa, my mother walks into this room on ocassion, don't hold your breath.

  
 **Armor!Al:** Yeah, and so, when I walk in the bedroom I'm going to have this suprised face head on, it will be great!  >D  
 **Al:** OMG, I have interchangeable heads, I'm so cool!  <3333

~fini

Bonus shots:  
A couple of pics I took just because:

  


omg, I'm done. I hope investing all the money in that Roy doll paid off.


End file.
